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The backlash that comedian Patton Oswalt experienced for getting engaged 15 months after his spouse died epitomized a tendency to “think there’s this ‘respectful’ time” that the widowed must observed, but grief doesn’t happen on a schedule.Actress Meredith Salenger, left, and comedian Patton Oswalt faced an backlash online after confirming their engagement earlier this month.The two acted as supports for each other as they each mourned their lost spouses.

The announcement came just 15 months out from Michelle Mc Namara, Oswalt's wife, died at age 46.When it was disclosed that comedian Patton Oswalt planned to remarry 15 months after the death of his wife, he was met with a flurry of condemnation on social media.They can’t feel what you feel and to ask them to periodically put the brakes on their romance to cater to your heartbreak over someone else is cruel.At some point, in order to truly be ready to open up to love and a relationship, a widowed person needs to deal with the past and then put it away.Many of your decisions will be based on your age, how long you were married before your spouse passed, and your religious practices.

Grief counselors generally recommend a period of mourning, but the amount of time is ultimately up to you.

Your late spouse is not part of the equation in any active sense of the word.

Recently a commenter voiced the common lament of many widowed back out in the dating trenches, And if you loved them, you’d not expect such a thing because though a new partner can be understanding, sympathetic and even feel bad for what you’ve been through – grieving isn’t a date night activity.

And the surviving spouse may well feel that he or she was not always patient or very loving when the other person was dying.

All of these emotions are quite normal to have, but that does not make them easy to deal with.

It’s something to be done for distraction’s sake, or to ease the emotional aches and pains.